Wednesday, April 11, 2012

So, you’re just not attracted to dick and you have been called an arse for saying so?

Let me explain why.

In chosing a romantic or sexual partner, you, like everyone else, will have certain wishes as to their looks, behaviour, income, education, whatever. This is normal and reasonable behaviour. After all, being with someone you don’t find attractive, who behaves in a manner that is upsetting or hurtful to you, who has to pay for everything because you can’t afford it (or the other way around), who has a far better education than you so you can’t keep up with them (or the other way around) will very like not be a good time for anyone involved.

So, why are we calling you a cissexist douchebag for going: ‘But I don’t like penis! Women shouldn’t have a penis.’?

I am fully willing to accept that you are not turned on by penis (or vagina or whatever)*. So, if you wish to engage in sexual relations with someone or date them or whatever, you are of course free to exclude everyone with a penis (or vagina). It’s okay.

This is not the problem. The problem is that you take it one step to far. You don’t stop at saying: ‘I am not attracted to penis, therefore I will not date (or have sex with) someone who has a penis, in this case a trans woman.’

You go then on to claim that a) no one wants to have sex with a trans woman and b) she’s not a real woman anyway.

And that’s where we take offense.

See, people (including me, in case you wanted to take offense at that) pick romantic or sexual partners according to any number of rather whimsical criteria. We don’t try and stop you from doing so. We are not trying to force you to have sex with someone who is not attractive to you, whatever your attraction or lack thereof might be based on.

We want you to realise that those criteria you use to pick your partners need not necessarily be the criteria everyone uses.

We want you to realise that your criteria are yours and yours only. They do not in any way affect anyone’s identity.

We want you to stop claiming that people who do not meet your whimsical criteria for being sexually attractive to you are not sexually attractive to anyone.

We want you to stop claiming that people who do not meet your whimsical criteria for being sexually attractive to you are not actually the people they are.

We want you to stop claiming that people taking offense at you claiming their identities invalid and their body and mind and soul unattractive according to your criteria are forcing you into any sort of behaviour.

We want you to shut up, listen and think about what we are telling you. We want you to consider our grievances with your statements, and correct yourself and apologise for the hurtful things you say and support. We want you to treat us like human beings.

And if that’s too much to ask from you, well. Fuck you.

[Dear fellow non-cis people, if this is offensive, if you want it changed, if you want it removed, don’t hesitate to tell me so. I tried to keep the language inclusive and neutral as well I could, but I am afriad I might have screwed up at some places at least. I am admittedly kind of new to this, so … yeah, criticism would be really welcome.]

*Maybe that’s because of society’s conditioning and you might like it if you tried it, but that’s not the point of this post.


  1. icryyoumercy posted this