Monday, March 5, 2012

tw:discussion of BDSM, safewords, consent issues

In most stories involving BDSM pratices there is only ever one safeword which will, if employed result in everything going on stopping right the hell now and that’s that.

And while I have no personal experience with BDSM (or any sort of sex, for that matter) it really weirds me out.

Because to me, it doesn’t seem like proper consent if the only choices one can have are ‘everything my partner wants’ or ‘nothing at all’. Of course, maybe I don’t understand this at all, but to me this comes across as ‘you do as I say or I’ll withdraw all physical contact and all sexual pleasure’.

So… is this just me or is this really weird?

And if it is, shouldn’t there be some sort of … pre-safeword, some way of saying: ‘I’m not quite comfortable with what you are doing now, but I don’t want to stop entirely’ or ‘This is going to fast, can we slow down’?

Can someone please enlighten me?